And the crazies begin...

And now I remember just how very hard it is to have a daughter on the other side of the world... to ache to hold her, to wonder and worry about the transition we will ask her to make, to rage in my head against the slow-as-molasses bureaucracies both here in the U.S. and overseas that keep us apart. My heart is committed to her - why is she still so long and so far away?!?

As such, I commit that writhing ball of emotion to God daily, often several times per day, and oscillate between feeling dumb for being so impatient and feeling completely justified in my compulsion to hold my child close.  And so I channel the energies into catching up on our albums from Sasha's adoption (I fell a little behind over the past year, shocker!), purchasing Mr. and Mrs. Mulan dolls for Sasha for Christmas, and plotting WanYing's care package, to be mailed after we get our Letter Seeking Confirmation.

And so I believe I cannot reasonably be held responsible for what I picked up at Gymboree on Saturday... after all, here's the conversation that Sasha and I had Saturday morning:

Me: Ok, Sash, let's go run our errands!
Sasha: Yeah, and let's go get WanYing
Me: (melt into a quavering pool of emotional jello)

Maybe a gotcha day outfit? Regardless, it felt good to buy something that her little body might wear. I'll take pretty much any connection right now, even a retail connection.

And I rest in God's perfect timing and in the fact that no wait is ever in void, not when it's designed by and dedicated to Him.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 33:20-22