The Confusion of Knowing Thyself

I'm in a career counseling class right now, which is a fascinating meta-experience being in the middle of a career transition. 

In many ways, midlife brings clarity I did not possess in my early career. I know the kind of people I like to work with: interested in the group's good over personal agendas, do what they say they will, introspective and invested in personal growth. I know the environment I like to work in: independent work with some team collaboration and plenty of chances to get outside and move. I know that I really don't like commuting more than a 2-3 mile bike ride and that I plan to stay in Utah. 

Yet the wide experiences of midlife also muddy the waters. I know now that there are many careers and jobs in which my skills can be used well and I can find fulfillment. My list of specific skills has expanded into a large set of transferrable skills that I can use in many settings (prioritizing, clarifying ambiguous needs, perseverance). 

All of this introspection and self-inspection is an odd experience in middle age. It feels profound and, at the same time, trite and obvious. It feels clarifying and confusing. I think it's because I know myself better, and I have seen enough to realize there are a million ways to use my skills and passions that are fulfilling to me and bring light to the world. I guess I just need to get comfortable in the ambiguity. The irony is, of course, that most of my life and career is about creating clarity in complex, ambiguous problems! My superpower is in conflict with the very thing I need to reconcile with.

And the circle continues...

Two Months Post-Employment

It's been just shy of two months since I said goodbye to the corporate world and stopped working full-time. Lots of people ask me how it's going and how I'm adjusting, and those are hard questions to answer. The last two months have been chock full of adjustments - I stopped working full-time, Steve started working full-time, the kids were off school for the holidays, the kids went back to school, I finished the semester and started a new one, I started working at my clinical mental health practicum site. Oh, and Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's were all mixed in there as well. There's been little stability to adjust to - but the reality is that's the way of life, there is no such thing as a "normal" season. 

I don't feel like I've hit a "new normal," but I have discovered a few things in the last two months. Here's my list so far:

I am pleased with how I choose to spend my days. I go outside, I do yoga, I walk the dogs. I do homework and meet up meet up with friends. I ski. I go to practicum and learn to be a competent and attuning counselor. I work on Creating a Family and our Mexico service trip trip plans. Sometimes I just sit and knit or journal. I believe that "How we spend your days is how we spend our lives" (Annie Dillard), and I am pleased when I look at how I am spending my days.

I'm a little surprised at how much I crave quiet, alone time. When I have more control over my schedule, I tend towards large periods of being quiet and solo. It's interesting because that's so very different from my days over the last 5 or 8 years, with meetings pretty much all day every day. My natural tendencies build in much more solitude.

I don't miss my old rhythms. There's a ton that I'm grateful for, and I can feel nostalgia for the especially sweet moments of my tech career, but I don't crave it. This is a good place to be, and I want to invest the time and attention into this season and these new rhythms.

Three cheers for the revelations and learning that a new season brings!

Year 1 Complete

This weekend I completed the classwork for my first year of graduate school in Clinical Mental Health!

Like most such things, the past year has passed in a blur and also a laborious series of daily choices. I have thoroughly enjoyed my coursework and the delight of stretching and growing in new ways. There are assignments I've had to gut out and some that have written themselves. I've had to prioritize very carefully to maintain a schedule of family, hobbies, work, and school that I can enjoy. I've had to declare "good enough" on some papers that I could have poured into (I am terrible at this). I have grown as a person and as a professional. 

If I could distill these 21 credits, 7 classes, thousands of pages read, hundreds of pages written into the most profound lesson learned it would be this: we need each other. There are many factors that contribute to the efficacy of counseling, but more than counselor experience or advanced certifications or the techniques used the best predictor of whether a client will benefit from counseling is the strength of the therapeutic relationship between the counselor and client. We were made to solve problems, grow, mourn, heal, and celebrate together. 

God created us this way! He created us to do life in relationship. In Western thought it's so easy to believe that the best way is to figure everything out solo and, if you can't cut it on your own, then, fine, call a friend. But, no! That is not how God designed us. Relationships are not God's Plan B - relationships are Plan A!

One of the greatest and most unexpected joys of my counseling program has been my intensive group. We have walked through classes, personal wins and losses, and a million tough assignments together. I thought I was starting grad school all on my own - and I gained a phenomenal set of sisters, friends, and colleagues.

I'm an introverted gal. I don't need or want to be surrounded by people constantly. I need less chatter and noise in my life. Less chatter, and more deep interactions. And as I've learned more about the power of deep and mutual relationships, I've invested more in purposeful check-ins with Steve (nod to the Gottman Institute!), creating a life team of gals for support and encouragement and accountability in growth (thanks, Townsend, for the concept), and being more present in my relationships.

I am grateful that I have survived this intense year. I emerge with excellent knowledge, deeper skills for helping people, more meaningful relationships, and some serious prioritization abilities. Bring on year two! But, first, let me disconnect for two glorious weeks!

Never Stop Learning

I was dramatically influenced by the hundreds (thousands?) of hours I spent glued to the TV watching Saturday morning cartoons. Let's be real, Gummy Bears, Snorks, and Fraggle Rock taught me absolutely nothing (although I can still sing the entire Gummy Bears theme song), but apparently those "Never Stop Learning - The More You Know" ads sunk in, because boy do I love school. There are plenty of good and not-so-good reasons for my love of structured education (perhaps we'll get into all of that in a future post) but since graduating 15 years ago with my MBA I always figured I'd go back... I just never quite knew when or what to pursue. 

And, now, the time has arrived! In August I start a M.A. in Counseling: Clinical Mental Health from the Townsend Institute at Concordia University Irvine! 

Reading this, you probably fall into one of two camps (or, perhaps, three camps if we count the, "I don't really care this much about your life, Jamie" camp. Legit. Save yourself 5 minutes and stop reading now, Camp 3ers):

1. Oh, wow, cool
2. Why on earth would you do that?

Fair questions, Camp 2 friends. I mean, I already have an established and successful career. I'm not exactly wallowing in free time. I get to help tons of people in my job today as a manager. Why sign up for more?

The career I've built is amazing - I feel like I've been able to do so much good for so many people and have learned and grown so very much in the 20 years since graduating with my BA. A few months ago I did the math and realized that at the time when I finish this program and graduate, I'll have as much time left between graduation and 65 (if we treat 65 as an arbitrary retirement age) as I've spent building this career. I have so much time left to do and build and learn and grow amazing things! And that got me really excited that it was totally the time to pursue something new.

What's the end game? Honestly, I don't know. That's part of why I love this path so much. I could finish this degree, decide not to license, and keep on doing what I'm doing right now, only better equipped to understand and help others and myself. I could do 2 classes, decide this was not a great idea, and leave grateful for what I've learned. I could finish the program, license, and pursue a whole new career in counseling. I could create a new position in this industry and company I love so much that blends my experience in software and my newfound counseling skills and understanding. The options are endless!

And why Counseling? At the end of the day, I do believe that people are the only thing that counts and the only thing that lasts. And I see this program as an opportunity to learn more about people, what makes us tick, and how to create spaces to help folks live better. I've also been helped so much by my experiences working with a wise and wonderful counselor over the past few years, and I get excited about the chance to make a similar difference in others' lives, especially in the lives of professional women in Utah Valley. 

So, off we go on a brave new journey. Classes start in August and it will take me about 3 years to finish working full time and going to school part time. Adventure awaits!

Don't Call it Homeschool

Sometimes people ask me, "Jamie, what's it like working full time in your fabulous career while homeschooling 4 children all in 1700 square feet?" Just kidding, nobody asks me that, ever, because they don't want to get knifed in the face. Double kidding - I'd never knife anybody. But I might aim for a quick kick in the shins.

First of all, I'm going to shout this from the mountaintops: DON'T CALL IT HOMESCHOOL!!! Homeschooling is a decision that families enter into because they believe it's the best choice for their children and family. They prepare. They plan. They buy material. They enter cooperatives. They choose homeschool. This is, in no way, homeschool.

People, this is a bunch of people just doing the best they can in a crazy-pants situation.

So, lower your expectations. Embrace the sweet moments. Survive the superhard ones. Try to work a fullish day and also keep your children from knifing each other in the face (just kidding again... although there's probably been ample shin-kicking).

Honestly, we're doing ok. We're blessed that, although our desk-to-human ratio is 1:2, our computer-to-human ratio is 1:1. And the teachers at our kids' school have done a really great job putting together online curriculum that keeps the kids engaged until noonish. I'm super grateful to them for keeping our kids busy and connected. And then the afternoon brings chores, projects, activities, and screen time.

We've upped the weekly chore quota, and the construction keeps us occupied as well. Our kids have pitched in on cooking with varying levels of success (it always keeps them engaged. It almost always yields huge messes). We try to get outside every day.  We reward ourselves with ice cream when we keep the house tidyish. We play a lot of Animal Crossing and call it "bonding time" because the game is quasi-cooperative. We play a TON of board games.

My many scrum certifications have finally started paying off with our family Kanban board. This is basically the fruition of all my fondest hopes and dreams - to run my home with sticky notes! One child (purple) has embraced it fully. One husband (green) has sort of started using it (this is a huge win!). One Mom (pink) started doing it just so that purple child didn't feel like she was the only one doing it and has ended up shifting her phone-based to-do list to the board quite happily. But, let's be honest, I'm happy with a checklist in any form.

So, there's my run-down of school-from-home. My recipe for home-based happiness is all about embracing the little wins and the small sweetnesses and then going on a walk for as many meetings as possible.

First Days of School!

It's that time of year - Facebook is exploding with first day of school pictures, Ben is dealing serious cases of the "early" morning grumpies, the girls are carefully picking out outfits, and ever-stable Sam is, well, pretty much the same. It's back to school time!

WanYing is thrilled to be entering 1st grade, Sasha is excited to see her friends again and happy to be in Miss Emme's class again (Walden is a Montessori School so the classes all span 2-3 grades), Ben is Ben, and Sam is starting High School. Oh my goodness!

Yep, you read that last line right, this year Sam goes into high school. Fortunately, Walden is a K-12, so going to high school simply means that he's going to the building next door. But is still sounds like kind of a big deal to me!

Last week they were camping/backpacking to kick off the school year (thank you, hippie school), hence the shoes and pack, so tomorrow marks Sam's first official day of high school. The cliche is true, time goes by way too quickly.

Sam's trip to Sam Fransisco

A picture of the city skyline from a boat

( A quick note: This post was written, produced, directed, managed, and created by Samuel Morningstar)

 I recently went to San Fransisco for a school trip, and it was a lot of fun. San Fransisco, for those of you who don't know (I hope that you all know) is a city on the California coast. It is famous for its seafood and several landmarks, including the golden gate bridge.

 We (We being me and the ~20 other students on the trip) saw a lot of cool sights, and I really enjoyed the trip.

 On the first day we went to the exploratorium, which is sort of like a children's museum in that it has a lot of hands on exhibits that teach cool concepts.

One of the cells in Alcatraz

 For lunch we went to the hard rock cafe, and the food was pretty good. 

 On the second day we went to Alcatraz, one of, if not the most infamous prison in history. The most interesting thing about Alcatraz is its history. It was originally a civil war fort, built to protect the port of San Fransisco. After Alcatraz we had lunch on pier 39, which was really good, and finished the day at the aquarium.

 The third and final day we went to the golden gate bridge which was really cool, shopped at a chocolate factory(yum), rode on a cable car(awesome!), went to chinatown for souvenirs and lunch, then topped it all off with a quick visit to pier 31.

So there you have it. That was how I spent my trip to San Fransisco.

The golden gate bridge, as I saw it on day 3

The whole group I was with. I'm front row, fourth from the right

First Days of School Through the Years

For 9 years my growing family has (with varying degrees of enthusiasm) agreed to first day of school pictures. They started cute and have gotten both more adorable and spunkier through the years!

2007 - First Grade

 

2008 - Kindergarten and Second Grade

 

2009 - First and Third Grade

2009 was an epic year for first-day photography

This photo remains one of my very favorites. Sasha (2 and home 6 months) was not about to let that sweet Scooby Doo lunchbox out of her paws!

 

2010 - Second and Fourth Grade

I love that Ben picked the same first-day shirt 2 years in a row

 

2011 - Third and Fifth Grade

 

2012 - Kindergarten, Fourth, and Sixth Grade

Note - this is the year when Ben's strong morning aversion starts to manifest

 

2013 - First, Fifth, and Seventh Grade

3 awake kids, 1 zombie

 

2014 - Kindergarten, Second, Sixth, and Eighth Grade

3/4 ready for school. One ready to attack.

Happy first day of school to everybody! We've had such a great summer that it's hard to say goodbye to long days and spur-of-the-minute outings, but after such a fab summer it seems clear that this will be our best school year yet (for 75% of the children)!

WanYing Finishes Preschool

Last week held an important rite of passage - our Miss WanYing finished up preschool! I admit, I got a little misty-eyed realizing that our preschool days are over. I love watching this little grow and blossom - I just wish she didn't have to grow quite so quickly!

Question: What were your favorite things about preschool?

WanYing: Kitchen! In kitchen we cook, help Miss Robin.

Question: What was the best thing you cooked?

WanYing: Lemon cookies. It's cause they had lemon inside

Question: What else was great about preschool?

WanYing: My teachers are so great. They help us cook and learn. And they help us count by 5s (but I'm still working on that).

Question: What are you going to do next year?

WanYing: Go to Walden! I'll have fun and learn. I'll be in kindergarten!

(I was informed that the blog post is now done because WanYing looked at the page and decided, "that's a lot of words")

All I want for Christmas

by Sasha

I'm doing so awesome that I'm going to learn how to read very good!  I like to write because I do it very good and I practice my words.  If I don't know how to spell something, I sound it out.

I like to write letters.  I like to write Christmas lists.  I write very good lists.  My Christmas list is very good because I write my words very good.  I writed a list for WanYing, too.  I think I'm going to get everything on my list. 

---

We know that Sasha's awesomely creative spelling can be a little challenging for the uninitiated, so here's a quick transcription and translation of the girls' 2013 Christmas lists for all of you wondering what to get the 4 and 6-year-olds in your life.  Number 5 is clearly the best, with number 6 a close second.

WanYing:

1. trin = train 
2. thred des = 3DS 
3. miy litol pony set = My Little Pony set 
4. litol pet shop = Littlest Petshop 
5. mirkin grls dol = American Girl doll 
6. mine maws = Minnie Mouse 
7. oxpol pozzol = octopus puzzle 
8. difn = different octopus puzzle 
9. bay bay dol = baby doll 

Sasha:

1. trin set = train set 
2. my litol pony set = My Little Pony set 
3. thre de des = Nintendo 3DS 
4. borbe dol = Barbie doll 
5. litol petshop = Littlest Petshop 
6. mirkin grl dol = American Girl doll 
7. bay dol = baby doll 
8. tikr belley set = Tinkerbell set 
9. kors set = car set 
10. mirkin grl dols skr = American Girl doll stickers 
11. stoff enmols = stuffed animals 
12. bobol gom = bubble gum 
13. kotl pesoll = colored pencils

They Grow Up So Fast!

By babies are growing up so quickly!  I mean, I love it - they just get more and more interesting and more and more fun - but it does make a mommy a little wistful!

Sam's big deal - retainers!  Sam says they're "livable but annoying, cause every time there's a box of chips, I take it out, eat a couple, lick off my teeth, put it in."  The orthodontist wants to wait until a few more of his permanent teeth come in before going to full braces, and we're happy to ease into the expenses of braces.

Ben's big deal - camping out for an Xbox One!  Although launch day was freezing, he and Daddy didn't want to miss out on the excitement of camping out at the Target for the next-gen system and they braved the cold and wind to be second in line.

He was very proud.

Sasha's big deal - writing!  She's doing so so well at writing and has lately taken to copying whole books, as you can see here.

I wonder - how young is too young for your first fountain pen?

And WanYing's big deal - writing her own name!  She has taken to writing her name on sticky notes and leaving them on her things all over the house.  It's flipping adorable.

I'm so proud of each of my littles, even if they are growing up too quickly.

First Days of School!

School started this week and 3/4 of my kids are super excited for the start of a new year (the frowning one is less enthusiastic).  Having a Kindergartener and a Sixth Grader is freaking me out a little - when did my babies get so big!?!  But overall the first week has gone well.

Here are the kids' reports on the first few days of school in their own words:

Sasha:
I am in Theresa's Kindergarten. I like all the work and I sit very quietly and my friend's Drew and I like him. I like you, you're my best friend.

I like to play Polly Pockets and screw stuff with tools. I like turtles. I like Flipper but I can't remember the other name. I like cupcakes and fruit snacks, goldfish crackers for snack.

 I like going on adventures, cause I went on adventure today (I think those our outings from the classroom - after this sentence she showed me her bag filled with acorns leaves and other treasures collected outside). I like acorns, peas and seeds and nuts.

I like Kindergarten.

Ben declines to comment on Fourth Grade.

Sam:
Sixth Grade, so far, has been easy. Although it's only opening week. We haven't really done any school work, we've done a park day, a movie, an open house, and brain cruncher day.

I hope to get into the Creative Computing, Spanish, and Digital Photography electives. I look forward to schoolwork, it'll give me something to do!

Hooray for new beginnings and the start of a new year!

First Day of (Pre)School!

I can't believe my little baby WanYing is big enough for preschool! WanYing started school this week (a full week ahead of the rest of the kids) and here are her thoughts on her first few days of school:

I did coloring.  I did listen to my teacher.  I did go see the kitchen.  I ate marshmallows.  I did see my friends.  My teacher is Miss Cricket.  She's nice to me and I like her. And I goed back in my class and I did play with toys.  There's a turtle there and a sea horse (but not a real sea horse).  We feed Razor the Turtle.  He eats turtle things.  And I did get my purse - it says WanYing.

I like school.  I like to play there.

Tis the Season to Start Singing

Ben: I was singing in a choir for a very long time.  About two whole church services.  But it was fun.  The best part was the cookies at the end of the second service and I lost count of how many donut holes at the first service.

My favorite song to sing was Joy to the World because it was pretty easy and we got to sing the whole thing.

Ben:  At school I sang in a choir, just like at church, except for no donut holes and no cookies.  We sang Frost the Snowman in Spanish (Mi Hombre de Nieve) and we also sung Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.  I was waving to my sisters in this picture.

Sam:  In my class we didn't sing, but rather did How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  We divided it up into lines for everybody in the class and gave the Grinch and Cindy Lou Hoo to two lucky people.  My best line was probably, "Then the Grinch very nimbly stuffed all of the bags up the chimbly."  And afterwards our teacher gave a couple of multi-color Rice Krispie Treats because it's Christmas.

Sasha Reads (Sam's Fast Fan)

The girl is unstoppable! "Sam's Fast Fan" took a giant step forward in difficulty from last week's, "An Ant", especially for a child who struggles to pronounce the phonemes "f" and "t". Oh well, at least you can enjoy the cuteness, even if you can only decipher every other word...

And if you're wondering about Sasha's admonition to WanYing about not wiggling, it's because 4 out of every 5 takes are regularly cut short either because WanYing is wiggling on my lap and I can't hold the camera steady or Chorney walks in front of the camera and Sasha insists on starting over.

Oh, and there's a surprise guest reader at the end of this week's read-aloud, so make sure you watch until the credits!

Sasha Reads (some more)

Sasha's reading continues to improve. Her spelling... um... tends toward the creative.  I feel like the plot of this installment pales in comparison with the surprise ending of Lill's Adventures, but what the book lacks in interes it makes up for in the cuteness of the reader :)

Lill's Adventures, Part One

Man, she's only been back to preschool for one day and she's already reading!  My kid is some kind of brilliant...

First Day of School

Steve's been acting chipper and humming, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" while Jamie equally merrily conducts multiple office goods shopping trips (boy do I love Staples) - it must be back-to-school time! The only sobering part is that we have a fifth grader, a third grader, and a preschooler (and one who refuses to be left out of a photo with her siblings). Yikes! Fifth grade?!? He's like almost a real person!

Besides Ben's rather extreme obedience to the photographic direction to "squeeze in a little tighter to your brother," the morning went smoothly and everybody got off to school without a hitch. WanYing rebounded fairly gracefully from the change in routine, as well, and she swiftly realized that being at home with Dad with nobody to compete with for toys has its perks.

I asked the kiddos about the coolest part of their first day of school and here's what I got:

Ben:  At recess I played with Keagan (this is our social kid)

Sasha:  Making my hand to say:

1. Cris cross applesauce
2. Lips closed
3. Put your bottom on the floor
4. Hands and feet
5. Listen to your ears

(apparently she made a craft that had the circle time rules written on a cutout of her hand. I'm guessing that her teacher doesn't actually ask them to listen to their ears, but I'm pretty impressed that Sasha could remember all five directions after day one!)

Sam:  Making some new friends (apparently he found somebody who likes chess and Halo, making for a fast friendship, which is pretty awesome for our less-socially-inclined son)

It sounds like the school year is off to a great start!

Preschool Author and Artist

In my head, Sasha is still my little two-year-old baby - it's so easy for me to forget that she'll be four in just a few months! But her newly acquired writing and drawing skills do snap me back to reality when I let myself think of her as my toddler instead of the preschooler she is.

Sash isn't writing legible letters yet, but she definitely knows what writing is and what it looks like, and she loves it when we write lists for her in her special notebook. This week, requested lists have been our family's names - always starting with Sasha (of course) and moving through Ben, Sam, Mommy, Daddy, WanYing, and Chorney.

And now her writing is accompanied by pictures! It's so fun to see her drawing people - this drawing contains two pictures of Mommy. I think it's a stunning likeness, and she got my hair just right.

And here's Sasha's preschool homework book. She loves doing her homework and she works really hard to complete the pages (albeit in her own way) - here's hoping we can encourage that feeling through the years!

First Day of Preschool

Mommy: Sasha, how was your first day of school? What did you do today?

Sasha: I see boys and I sing (now singing), "Bluebird, bluebird" (This is her favorite song from Kindermusic, I don't know if she actually sang it today at preschool or not)

Sasha: I read book

Sasha: (now squealing with the sheer delight of the memory) Cookies!

Mommy: Cookies? What did you do with cookies?

Sasha: I eat cookies and I make cookies! (perhaps not in that order)

As expected, preschool is Sasha paradise.