New memory verse, Psalm 27:13-14:
I am still confident of this:This is the perfect verse for me, right here and right now - isn't it amazing how God does that? It's just right because I've been having confidence issues lately, trouble being confident in God's ultimate best for me regardless of what's in front of me.
I will see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and take heart
And wait for the Lord
The weirdest part is that my real struggle is that I don't want to be duped into thinking that God's really going to work all things for the good of those who love him. I don't want to be duped into living by faith. I know, it sounds extraordinarily stupid, but then I think if we stepped back we'd realize that lots of us struggle to believe that God could really be that good, that purposeful.
There's some craziness going on with adoptions from Kazakhstan right now - longer wait times, some families not being able to complete the process - and it has turned me very analytical. I've been yearning for a schedule - dates and times and "sure things" even though there's a nagging voice in the back of my head that reminds me that there are no sure things in this life, period, and that is especially true for international adoption!
So last Sunday I took some extra time by myself to work through my feelings and fears. And I decided that I actually don't want a good plan, I want a good God. I don't want a schedule, I want a daughter. And I don't want an itinerary, I want an adventure in faith. And that means that once again, I give God my heart, my trust, my faith. I don't need a backup plan and I don't need to protect my heart from God (whatever that means). The Creator of the Universe can be trusted with my trust.