Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Picky Pizza Posters - 7-Eleven

The ultimate quest for the worst pizza experience in Utah Valley 

The 24 hour convenience mart of edible Americana is where we went for our most recent pizza rating adventure. Long known for its hot dogs cooked on rollers and microwave burritos, the “Sevey” has branched recently into creative made-to-order offerings such as the “Loaded Doritos” and the pizza we sampled. We’ve been holding out a while on this dining experience to be sure our palettes were fully prepared to capture the culinary nuances this enduring establishment provided.



Aisles of candy and chips to choose from. Beer cooler. Beef jerky, cigarettes, and stale donuts. The concrete outside sitting area (sidewalk) was pleasantly free of cigarette butts. Mild gas fumes wafting from fuel pumps add to down-home feel of the food and urgent feeding vibe. Cold and ornery children add to the excitement of the dining area (parking lot).

Sam: If this place is open 24 hours a day, then why do they have locks on the doors?



Selection was astounding, including sports drinks, soft drinks, juices, coffee, and beer (all bottled, none on tap). But despite a dizzying array of options we still opted for the signature Slurpees, all Coke flavored, of course, because the other ones are just gross.

Price of one large cheese



Unlike the 7-11 experiences of my youth the checkout guy was not of Indian descent, but he may have been Native American. Upon ordering, the clerk quickly grabbed a pizza from the cooler and popped it into the little micro oven they cook the pie in. "Fresh" pizza smells fill the establishment. At least, we'll pretend confidence that odor was from a pizza

Pizza Impressions

Was made to order (fresh!) and actually disappointingly edible. Doughy crust, soft with little to no crunch, mix of mozzarella and random yellow cheese on top. Leaned towards saucy with mild tomato tones, but enough cheese to be cheesy.

The longer it sits the worse it gets. Consume quickly or not at all. Horrifying appetizer of “Loaded Doritos” made pizza seem a whole lot better by comparison.

Feel dirty and unwholesome after finishing a slice, like no amount of crying in the fetal position in a running shower will wash away that internal grimy feel. 7-Eleven!? What was I thinking?


2/6 Slices

Cooking the pizza to order does make it taste better. We were really hoping for a zero-slice rating with this one, but the Sevey does manage to pull off a decent pie. If it was 3 a.m. and I really needed a pizza, I would pay for the experience again.

I'm not sure how the slices that were sitting there longer in the warming case would compare, but I’m not stupid or masochistic enough to eat one of those. Well, not without some serious dare money on the line.

As a reminder, here's our rating scale:

0 slices - I would not eat this at any price
1 slices - It’s not good but at least its pizza
2 slices - I would consider coming back if every other pizza place was closed
3 slices - Cheap enough and edible enough for my kid’s birthday party
4 slices - I’ll come back, but Dad is buying
5 slices - Somewhere between 4 and 6
6 slices - Stuffing some in my pockets to eat later

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