Thursday, September 18, 2014

Picky Pizza Posters - Chuck E Cheese

The ultimate quest for the worst pizza experience in Utah Valley

This week we decided to sample the finest mouse-supplied pizza in town. Chuck E Cheese built his empire of pizza wonderlands in the early 80’s during the arcade boomtimes (begun by the venerable classic, Pong). Pairing high-technology with mass produced low quality pizza, Chuck E Cheese has been a staple of children’s birthday parties for many years.

Until this week we had escaped the pizza-scourge that is Chuck E Cheese for about a decade. I'd say that visiting approximately every 10 years is plenty.

Price of a large cheese

$13 (not counting game tokens, ouch)

Quick order process made wallet vacuuming seem less painful, was hoping a costumed Chuck would deliver pizza to the table, but no such luck. He did make a meet and greet appearance for the birthday kids who were celebrating at the restaurant. It was simultaneously mesmerizing and mortifying.


Arcade games, play ground with habitrail tubes for kids, Animatronic animal rock band to entertain those too pooped to play arcade games. Arcade games to entertain those too smart to fall for animatronic animal band that hadn't been serviced or updated for dozens of years. Most animatronic animals had only one functional eyelid, enhancing their superb creepiness.

Pizza impressions

As good as we remember, which may account for the reason we haven’t been here in a decade. Stretchy tasty cheese-like topping. Crust is greasy premade slab, quite greasy, translucent napkin type. Crust rather thin.
Pizza cut into many small slices to accommodate the fast and furious eat-just-enough-to-be-able-to-go-back-and-play-thanks-mom-and-dad, if only they were cut all the way through to enable the fast delivery they designed for. Quality greatly diminished the colder the pizza became. Feel dirty inside after consuming.

Sam: Pretty sure this sauce is NOT organic. Might not even be tomato.


3/6 slices

Honestly the pizza was closer to a 2, but the built-in child care made it taste a whole notch better.

If we play our cards right, we won't have to return until we have grandkids.

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