20 Questions

I got an email from a dear friend today yesterday that reminded me that not everybody knows the nuts and bolts of what's going on in our day to day lives.  Sorry.  So I thought I'd help everybody out and answer the 20 top questions I hear (or am guessing you're asking) in one fell swoop. 

1. When did you get you back to Utah?  Steve and I agreed that the best thing for the kids was to return to Utah and let them resume "normal" lives, so I kept our original flights home on January 8th.  It made an immediate difference to the kids to be able to sleep in their beds, go to school, go to church and do the rest of their routine activities.  It's hard being so far from Steve, but it's good to be home.
2. Is your mom out there with you?  No, Mom stayed in Maryland to help with Steve's care.  She's loving on me by loving on Steve.
3. So who is watching the kids?  Before Christmas, Steve had worked out an arrangement with a young lady at church where she would watch Sasha and WanYing during the 3 days per week Steve planned to work.  I asked her in the first week of January if she'd be willing to come on full time and we worked out a great arrangement where she lives in our guest room during the week and watches the kids while I'm at work.  So far, it's been fantastic and Justine is such a blessing to me and to the kids.  She's wonderful.
4. Are you back to work?  Yes, I went back to work on January 10th, right after we returned from Maryland.  I'm not good at sitting around, so I'm grateful to have a job where I can contribute meaningfully and work that's flexible enough to accommodate the crazy schedule of a single mom of 4. 
5. How's Steve doing? Better and better.  He's made significant progress on his healing both inside and out.  His leg (compound fracture of the tibula and fibula) is healing well and his heart and mind get healthier and stronger each day.
6. How often do you talk with Steve? We talk every day
7. Are you and Steve still together?  Yes.  Although I never imagined in a million years that "in sickness and in health" would be tested like this, my husband's illness does not change our commitment to each other.  It changes a ton of stuff and we will deal with the effects and aftershocks of this for the rest of our lives.  But it doesn't change our commitment. 
8. Why don't you write more about Steve, the case, the incident, etc? Well, some of it is quite frankly not the business of the readers of this blog.  As you can imagine, this is intense and intensely personal stuff that simply doesn't need to be public.  Additionally, there's an ongoing criminal investigation into the hows and whys of what happened and I don't want anything I write to be misunderstood or misconstrued and used against Steve or our family.  And lastly because this is a blog about our todays and tomorrows, not Steve's yesterdays.  If Steve wants to talk with you about his yesterdays, then that is his choice, but this is his story and not mine to share.
9. Did you have any hints that this was coming? No.  Steve has no history of violence or mental illness.
10. How are the kids doing? Remarkably well.  They miss Daddy, but they are astoundingly resilient children and I am so very grateful for their miraculous well-being.
11. How is Steve's family doing? Again, this is another set of miracles. Everybody involved in the incident is healing in body and spirit. We are united in our desire for the complete healing of each of us individually, of the immediate families involved, and of the larger family. Where there could be (completely justifiable) rage and bloodlust, there are seeds of forgiveness and wholeness. I don't want to minimize the pain and hard work and anger and complete confusion that we are all experiencing, but I am so proud to bear the name Morningstar right now.  When the very worst has hit this family, they have responded as Christ.
12. How are you doing? I think every other post on this blog is about me, read away :)
13. How are you and God? This is a tricky one.  I pray that I will be able to worship, love, and trust with abandon once again. I am not there yet. I am grateful that I know the truth.  I look forward to the day I can live and move and breathe in that truth again.
14. How are you sleeping? Generally pretty well (another area of gratitude for me).  The kids have each been sick this month, so there are more middle of the night wake-ups then I'd prefer, but overall sleep has come when needed and been fairly peaceful.
15. Are you taking time out for yourself? I am trying to.  It's really hard to make time to care for myself, but I recognize the need (does that count?)
16. Are you meeting with a counselor or somebody else to help you? Yes, we have a wonderful clinical psychologist at church who is helping me understand what's happening in Steve, in myself, and in the kids.
17. Are you looking forward to celebrating WanYing's birthday? This is a bittersweet one. Celebrating our baby girl's first birthday at home without Steve will be really hard.
18. What's next? Our hope is to be reunited as a family and to continue this journey of healing together.  We don't know if that will be weeks, months, or years away.  As a condition of bail, Steve cannot leave the state of Maryland so we will be a family divided by distance until the legal aspects of all of this are resolved. It will likely take several months for the case to resolve and we sure appreciate your prayers for not just our hearts but also for the legal case.
19. How can I help? I so appreciate folks' reminders that I'm not alone in this - that others are praying and loving on our whole family.  It's easy to feel alone... which I know is silly because I'm overrun by children and surrounded by amazing help from church... but it's easy to feel like I'm walking solo.  Thanks for the hugs physical and virtual and thanks for lifting us up in prayer.
20. What if I have more questions? First, ask yourself, "Why do I want to know that?" If the answer is that you just want to satisfy your curiosity, then you probably shouldn't ask :) If you have a better reason than nosiness, then you're welcome to contact me.