Sunday, September 20, 2015

Tour de Donut Champions

It's the race we've been training our whole lives for. 21 flat miles. 3 minutes deducted for each donut consumed. And a tandem division.

This - this - is what we were made for.

We woke up early.

We got our game faces on.

Yes, this is the best we could do (perhaps these are just our natural early morning faces). We're not really "sportsy" people so we haven't had a lot of practice at this "game face" thing.

And then we rode our bikes and crammed donuts into our faces up to (but not surpassing) the point of yacking.

Here's how the Tour de Donut works: it's three 7-mile laps. After laps 1 and 2 you stop at tables and consume as many donuts as possible. These are then deducted from your total time at a rate of 3 minutes per donut. And all to raise money for the Rotary Club.

It's sheer genius I tell you.

Newbies eat donuts one at a time.

They are losers.

We who know better put 3-6 donuts in a stack, squish them down, douse them with water for easier sliding, and shovel them in as quickly as possible.

Yes, it's as disgustingly awesome as it sounds.

Steve pounded 11. I choked down 7. Our best effort? Maybe not, but it was enough.

You may recall that we rode the Tour de Donut last year. It was 45 degrees and pouring rain. It was completely miserable and hilariously fun. When we won 3rd place in the tandem division while pulling the girls, we knew we were made for better. We knew that our combined fat consumption power could propel us to first.

So in faith (yes, I'm going to call it faith) we registered for the tandem division. And then we bought a tandem bike and figured out how the hell to ride that thing before the race. Backwards? Maybe. But we seldom do anything the normal way.

Here's Ben coming in for the finish. He rode his new 650mm Felt road bike and competed strong with 6 donuts consumed. We're not exactly sure how he placed because he was apparently registered as a female and the kid timings got all confused. So we'll just say he was the unofficial winner, cause, why not?

Steve and I came in with a very official first place in the tandem division.

Yes, my favorite thing about this picture is Steve's belly peaking out beneath his jersey. Because, let's face it, 11 donuts have to go somewhere.

I have never been prouder to be a Morningstar.

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