Another Comparison Trap - Not Comparing Like to Like

A few weeks ago, my family took a trip to Vernal, Utah, to enjoy some Whitewater rafting and try out the Ashley Gorge Via Ferrata. The rock climbing portion of this adventure was a stretch for me - I spent the entire experience sweating, panting, shaking, and gauging when my courage would be totally depleted and if that point would be before I was actually off the wall. The astute observer may notice subtle differences between these two photos:

Jamie: hugging the blue square (intermediate) route wall. Having a great time, also terrified.

Jamie's children: scrambling up the black-diamond (advanced) routes, without fear or apparent fatigue.

I had a great time on our adventure and was very proud of my performance (not dying, falling, or collapsing). Yet there was also a part of me that felt wildly inferior to my children. And that comparison could threaten to dull my joy and victory at a very brave personal best.

This is an apt followup to my last post, also about comparison, and this one is inspired both by my children and by my friend Dr. Angela Trego's book, Squashing the Imposter Syndrome: when we compare, be careful to compare like-to-like. 

For example, if I start a new job and feel like a useless idiot because I don't know how to do a quarter of the things my coworker does, I have to ask myself, "Yes, and how are our experiences different? Am I comparing me after 2 weeks on the job with her after 2 months? Do I know how she was feeling at 2 weeks? Is my point of comparison actually accurate?" And, usually, it's not accurate. Usually we compare our gap to someone else's mastery. 

So when I am tempted to feel like a loser because my children are scrambling around like happy monkeys hundreds of feet above the canyon floor and I am clinging to my little handle trying not to hyperventilate, I would be wise to remember the differences in our experiences: 

I am twice their age, do not train to climb, have a healthier innate trepidation towards heights, and am recovering from major knee surgery. They are in their physical prime, actually train climbing, and haven't had a part of their body replaced this year.  None of that takes away from the beauty of their mastery - they are AWESOME. And also recognizing the differences in our situations reminds me that I'm not them, and I'm not going to perform like them right now. 

Comparison is so tricky. Don't let it steal your joy.