Burnout Part 6: Dealing with Stressors

Last week we talked about dealing with stress - how do we help our bodies discharge the energy and anxiety we're holding internally? Now, let's continue to follow Emily Nagowski's Burnout advice and figure out how to manage our stressors better. 

Stressors can be categorized into two main groups: those we can control and those we can't. 

The way to manage stressors we can control is planful problem-solving. As professionals, we're generally pretty good at planful problem solving - identifying the goal and creating a plan to fulfill that need, and the stressor is diffused. Now, we may still need to deal with residual stress in our bodies, but at least the stressor is addressed. 

The harder stressors to manage are those we can't control or abstract, intangible, long-term goals. At the end of the day, these end up feeling the same to us: they're too complex, uncontrollable, or far away for us to get our hands around. 

We have three basic tools to deal with these stressors:

1. Positive reappraisal - this is the process of finding value in the journey. The key here is that we're not trying to silver-lining the challenge. We are trying to find ways that dealing with all of the stress actually feels worth it. An example here could be, "there is no way I'm going to find my 1 hour commute motivating or worth it, but I can enjoy the time to decompress and listen to a podcast or call a friend."
2. Change expectancy - that means redefine winning in this case. This is appropriate for goals that are too squirrely or long-term to really feel motivated by "finishing." So, instead, you get to find an incremental, specific, concrete outcome that is personally motivating and rewarding to you. Perhaps completing the year-long goal feels way to far away to be rewarding, but a goal to come away from our next planning meeting with achievable goals for the next two weeks feels more controllable and tractable.  Great, that's your new definition of winning!
3. Redefine failing - for stressors that are super challenging and perhaps unwinnable, how can you redefine failing to identifying inadvertent benefits along the way? There's more to success than just winning. Perhaps as you job search, you've found a bunch of places that don't feel like good fits and you're feeling defeated. But perhaps redefining those "failed" opportunities as chances to learn about the industry and/or identify what you *don't* want in your new company feels motivating to you. This is a way to quiet those stressors that are nagging at you so loudly. 

Abstract and uncontrollable stressors are hard work to find your way through, yet it's so worth it. These can be some of the biggest drags on our lives and our mental health. Through positive reappraisal, changing expectancy, and redefining failing we can satisfy our goal-seeking brains and find relief from the burnout of unsolvable stressors.