A Goodbye Letter

We experience grief in most of life's transitions. Even "good" changes (a better job, our kids moving into a new phase of life, a promotion) mean saying goodbye to something that is now in the past. Those things that we leave behind deserve to be acknowledged - and we deserve to feel their loss. 

There are whole bodies of research into grief, and here's one small exercise that I like to use and recommend when moving into a new chapter. The idea is that you write a letter to the person, organization, or situation you are saying goodbye to. It could even be a goodbye letter to a past version of yourself, another person, or even a person who has passed on from your life. You won't send this letter, so it doesn't have to be realistic; it just needs to make sense to you. 

In your letter, make sure to:

• Say goodbye
• Identify the wrongs done to you - identify what was taken from you and the pain of the loss
• Identify the things you did wrong and acknowledge those wrongs and the pain they caused
• Rant about the people or situations that hurt you
• Apologize to/about people or situations you may have wronged
• Say anything you need to say in order to close this chapter
• Feel free to add as many postscripts (PSs and PPSs) as you need to get your feelings out onto the paper.

In this process, you could identify some people you want to have a closure conversation with, to apologize to, or to share some of the pain you experienced in the chapter you're closing. That's not a requirement at all, but notice if there is someone you want to reach out to. 

The last step is to let a trusted human bear witness to your grief. Ask someone to listen as you read your letter. They don't need to do anything; if they want, they can reflect back to you what they heard. Their job is simply to hold space for your loss. It is a powerful, affirming thing to see yourself and be met by another in your grief.

Pause to enjoy being seen.

You don't have to do anything in particular with your letter. You could tuck it away in your journal, or maybe it's done its job and you can throw it away. If it would feel good to close this chapter in a more ceremonial way, you could do something symbolic with your letter, such as burn it or bury it with a flower bulb. 

Whatever you choose to do with your letter, pause for a moment to feel the freedom of releasing this chapter. Pause to feel a little space in your grief. This freedom is available to you whenever you need it, and you can take this space into your new chapter.