Values Exercise

I love values exercises. I use them in almost every coaching and counseling engagement because it is so powerful to identify your core motivations. Our values are the things we prioritize in our lives when push comes to shove, to the exclusion of most other things. And if they're in deficit, it leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

Values identification is one of my favorite exercises. There's no right or wrong way to do this, as long as you come up with your top 3-5 values at the end. What's essential is that you choose values that are actually important to you - not what you think you should want, not what your family of origin wants, but the things you actually organize your life around and prioritize. 

I like doing the exercise with physical cards because it helps me sort, order, and arrange them. Here's a link to a set of cards you can print and cut out: https://www.motivationalinterviewing.org/sites/default/files/valuescardsort_0.pdf 

If you prefer an online version of this exercise, you can find it at https://www.think2perform.com/values (when they ask for your contact info, you can just close that box and complete the exercise without providing your email address). 

Here's a process that tends to work for people:

1. Go through the stack once and sort each card quickly into one of three piles: not me, kind of me, very me
2. Now take your "very me" pile and get down to your top 10
3. Lay out the top 10 and look for any overlapping ideas. Often, we choose a few cards that overlap or share a similar vibe, so if you have a grouping of similar ideas, pick one to represent the group.
4. This might be enough to get you to your top 3-5. If not, do the hard work of saying, "These are all good things that I want in my life. If I have to choose more of a few of these than the others, which would those be?"

What you'll be left with is 3-5 cards that feel like home. Now you get to think carefully through whether your actual schedule and practical priorities are generally aligned with this list. What could you do to nudge your days to fulfill your values a little more? What could you drop or de-emphasize that opposes your values? In what ways are your values in tension with each other, and how do you reconcile that tension? Each time you take a step to align your time and priorities with your values, you'll emerge a little more fulfilled. 

What about you? Did you end up with any surprises in your list? Any interesting tensions between your values? What's a small step you can take to align your life and values?