Shifting Gears

I coach high school mountain biking, and one of the early lessons every student needs to learn (over and over again) is to shift gears in anticipation of, not in reaction to, the terrain ahead. The mechanics are pretty simple: if we're going up a hill and wait to shift until the gravity threatens to overtake us, we've already used up a bunch of energy and momentum before we decide to shift. A last-minute shift puts strain on ourselves and our equipment, leaving us slower and more tired at the end. Similarly, if we're going downhill and we choose not to shift, we're enjoying the descent but wasting momentum and control that we could be funneling into the ride. 

I am fairly good at applying a decent shifting strategy on the trail. And I am pretty bad at applying it to my life. In life, when I see a challenge up ahead, I tend to work harder rather than getting smart and using the tools and equipment around me to shift gears, make the climb a little easier, and get up the hill faster.

Shifting in life (and riding) is tricky because it requires both anticipation and realism. I have to pop up and look ahead at the terrain long enough to recognize that there's a challenge ahead. And I have to pause inside to recognize that perhaps rather than just gutting it out, I want to find ways to make the proverbial climb a little easier. I am always glad when I do this, but I often don't pause in time to respond to the challenge I'm about to meet. 

What does it look like to shift before we hit the hill? For me, it can mean temporarily decommitting to regular activities until the challenge is over (or at least until I know how I'm responding ot the challenge). It can be opting out of some meetings I regularly attend and asking a teammate or the organizer to send me notes, carving out a little more breathing room. At home, buying a few easy meals I can quickly prepare if the day runs away from me before I get to cook. Sometimes it looks like asking my kids to pack me snacks or veggies when they're packing their lunch, so I will have something healthy in my bag even if I didn't have time to put it there.

Can we gut it out and go up a hill in a tough gear? Yeah, often we can. But why? What are we proving and who are we proving it to? Might it be wiser and kinder to ourselves and everybody around us to shift gears before the hill?  

Values Exercise

I love values exercises. I use them in almost every coaching and counseling engagement because it is so powerful to identify your core motivations. Our values are the things we prioritize in our lives when push comes to shove, to the exclusion of most other things. And if they're in deficit, it leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

Values identification is one of my favorite exercises. There's no right or wrong way to do this, as long as you come up with your top 3-5 values at the end. What's essential is that you choose values that are actually important to you - not what you think you should want, not what your family of origin wants, but the things you actually organize your life around and prioritize. 

I like doing the exercise with physical cards because it helps me sort, order, and arrange them. Here's a link to a set of cards you can print and cut out: https://www.motivationalinterviewing.org/sites/default/files/valuescardsort_0.pdf 

If you prefer an online version of this exercise, you can find it at https://www.think2perform.com/values (when they ask for your contact info, you can just close that box and complete the exercise without providing your email address). 

Here's a process that tends to work for people:

1. Go through the stack once and sort each card quickly into one of three piles: not me, kind of me, very me
2. Now take your "very me" pile and get down to your top 10
3. Lay out the top 10 and look for any overlapping ideas. Often, we choose a few cards that overlap or share a similar vibe, so if you have a grouping of similar ideas, pick one to represent the group.
4. This might be enough to get you to your top 3-5. If not, do the hard work of saying, "These are all good things that I want in my life. If I have to choose more of a few of these than the others, which would those be?"

What you'll be left with is 3-5 cards that feel like home. Now you get to think carefully through whether your actual schedule and practical priorities are generally aligned with this list. What could you do to nudge your days to fulfill your values a little more? What could you drop or de-emphasize that opposes your values? In what ways are your values in tension with each other, and how do you reconcile that tension? Each time you take a step to align your time and priorities with your values, you'll emerge a little more fulfilled. 

What about you? Did you end up with any surprises in your list? Any interesting tensions between your values? What's a small step you can take to align your life and values?

What Works (and not) in this Season

Sometimes you have things pretty well figured out - you know what feels good to your mind and body and are able to stay pretty healthy.... and then somebody changes the rules of the game on you. Maybe you get laid off or your work changes; maybe the seasons or weather change, and your coping strategies no longer make sense for your environment; maybe your kids are in a new phase and refuse to allow the space you used to hold for self-care. For me, it's an injury that keeps me away from some of the activities I love, which help keep me grounded and healthy. 

When the rules change, I find it helpful to make four lists:

• What's off the table right now? Mourn the loss.
• What still works for me despite the changes? Double down.
• What could work if I tweaked it a little? Get creative.
• What's something new I could experiment with adding? Try it out.

For me, no ACL means no skiing of any type and no mountain biking. This is a big loss. However, I can still ride my bike on stable, predictable surfaces, and I can do yoga, weightlifting, and dog walking if I'm careful about how I move my body. Journaling and knitting are big yesses I can lean into. And I'm experimenting with making sure I have one thing each day that I look forward to. 

Today I took my mountain bike out for an easy spin on a paved bike path. Part of me missed being out on dirt, and it's important that I recognize that loss. And, also, the sun felt good, and my body felt ok. And that's enough of a win for now.

When the rules have changed on you, and the things you used to do to de-stress or cope are no longer accessible, what experiments or changes have worked for you? Bonus points for something new I could try out that's knee-friendly!