Values Exercise

I love values exercises. I use them in almost every coaching and counseling engagement because it is so powerful to identify your core motivations. Our values are the things we prioritize in our lives when push comes to shove, to the exclusion of most other things. And if they're in deficit, it leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

Values identification is one of my favorite exercises. There's no right or wrong way to do this, as long as you come up with your top 3-5 values at the end. What's essential is that you choose values that are actually important to you - not what you think you should want, not what your family of origin wants, but the things you actually organize your life around and prioritize. 

I like doing the exercise with physical cards because it helps me sort, order, and arrange them. Here's a link to a set of cards you can print and cut out: https://www.motivationalinterviewing.org/sites/default/files/valuescardsort_0.pdf 

If you prefer an online version of this exercise, you can find it at https://www.think2perform.com/values (when they ask for your contact info, you can just close that box and complete the exercise without providing your email address). 

Here's a process that tends to work for people:

1. Go through the stack once and sort each card quickly into one of three piles: not me, kind of me, very me
2. Now take your "very me" pile and get down to your top 10
3. Lay out the top 10 and look for any overlapping ideas. Often, we choose a few cards that overlap or share a similar vibe, so if you have a grouping of similar ideas, pick one to represent the group.
4. This might be enough to get you to your top 3-5. If not, do the hard work of saying, "These are all good things that I want in my life. If I have to choose more of a few of these than the others, which would those be?"

What you'll be left with is 3-5 cards that feel like home. Now you get to think carefully through whether your actual schedule and practical priorities are generally aligned with this list. What could you do to nudge your days to fulfill your values a little more? What could you drop or de-emphasize that opposes your values? In what ways are your values in tension with each other, and how do you reconcile that tension? Each time you take a step to align your time and priorities with your values, you'll emerge a little more fulfilled. 

What about you? Did you end up with any surprises in your list? Any interesting tensions between your values? What's a small step you can take to align your life and values?

What Works (and not) in this Season

Sometimes you have things pretty well figured out - you know what feels good to your mind and body and are able to stay pretty healthy.... and then somebody changes the rules of the game on you. Maybe you get laid off or your work changes; maybe the seasons or weather change, and your coping strategies no longer make sense for your environment; maybe your kids are in a new phase and refuse to allow the space you used to hold for self-care. For me, it's an injury that keeps me away from some of the activities I love, which help keep me grounded and healthy. 

When the rules change, I find it helpful to make four lists:

• What's off the table right now? Mourn the loss.
• What still works for me despite the changes? Double down.
• What could work if I tweaked it a little? Get creative.
• What's something new I could experiment with adding? Try it out.

For me, no ACL means no skiing of any type and no mountain biking. This is a big loss. However, I can still ride my bike on stable, predictable surfaces, and I can do yoga, weightlifting, and dog walking if I'm careful about how I move my body. Journaling and knitting are big yesses I can lean into. And I'm experimenting with making sure I have one thing each day that I look forward to. 

Today I took my mountain bike out for an easy spin on a paved bike path. Part of me missed being out on dirt, and it's important that I recognize that loss. And, also, the sun felt good, and my body felt ok. And that's enough of a win for now.

When the rules have changed on you, and the things you used to do to de-stress or cope are no longer accessible, what experiments or changes have worked for you? Bonus points for something new I could try out that's knee-friendly!

How Could You Make it Self Care?

A few months ago, one of my professors in my graduate program challenged all of the interns to think about how they could transform supervision sessions into self-care. This concept knocked me hard upside the head - supervision was time for me to check in with my boss, to learn to do my work better, to get their insight, and maybe even to impress them a little. It was a one-on-one, so I brought my best game. And... it could be a time when I received kindness and took care of myself? That combination didn't compute. 

Yet this professor was so right. Sure, the entire hour of supervision may not be squishy, sweet self-love, and certainly, my supervisor needed to be able to challenge me in that time. And, also, it could be a time when I identified my needs and asked for them to be met - a little acknowledgement for the hard work I was doing, a little support in a challenging situation, a little celebration for what was going well. Supervision could be an experience that filled me up.

And that experience prompted me to look at many different tasks differently. A long drive in traffic could also include a call with a supportive friend. A tedious phone call or webinar could include a walk or just sitting in the sun. A one-on-one with your boss could include you identifying what you need to feel or perform better and asking for it. 

Next time you are faced with a required activity you're quietly dreading, ask yourself, "How could I make this self-care?" It may not transform the whole experience, but it will help you emerge a little fuller and certainly better off than if you had never asked the question!