How Could You Make it Self Care?

A few months ago, one of my professors in my graduate program challenged all of the interns to think about how they could transform supervision sessions into self-care. This concept knocked me hard upside the head - supervision was time for me to check in with my boss, to learn to do my work better, to get their insight, and maybe even to impress them a little. It was a one-on-one, so I brought my best game. And... it could be a time when I received kindness and took care of myself? That combination didn't compute. 

Yet this professor was so right. Sure, the entire hour of supervision may not be squishy, sweet self-love, and certainly, my supervisor needed to be able to challenge me in that time. And, also, it could be a time when I identified my needs and asked for them to be met - a little acknowledgement for the hard work I was doing, a little support in a challenging situation, a little celebration for what was going well. Supervision could be an experience that filled me up.

And that experience prompted me to look at many different tasks differently. A long drive in traffic could also include a call with a supportive friend. A tedious phone call or webinar could include a walk or just sitting in the sun. A one-on-one with your boss could include you identifying what you need to feel or perform better and asking for it. 

Next time you are faced with a required activity you're quietly dreading, ask yourself, "How could I make this self-care?" It may not transform the whole experience, but it will help you emerge a little fuller and certainly better off than if you had never asked the question!

Relaxation Hard Fought

We spent the past two weeks in one of our very favorite places, Colima, Mexico. This was our time to connect to each other and to the folks we love so very much here. It was marvelous. We were filled with the love and sunshine and good food and big smiles that Mexico always has ready for us. 

It was a tough trip, too. Steve had been away from home for most of the preceding month, working basically nonstop at the Sundance Film Festival. I tore my ACL and was hurting physically and emotionally. And right at the start of the trip, my dad was in a brutal car accident, so we were torn between coordinating what we could, caring from afar, and figuring out if we should just head home. We knew we needed this time to connect with ourselves and each other... yet it was so hard to relax into it.

Long story short, our kids really rallied around my parents, and my parents used their family and community well in this time of need (keep it coming, this is going to be a long road). We were able to stay for the scheduled duration of our trip. We checked in a lot, and our hearts were always a little bit in Utah, and we were still able to devote a lot of time and attention to rest and connection. It was hard-fought. The past two weeks have been hard-fought for each member of my family in their own way. And I'm so glad we made it happen.

Highlights:

1. Hiking to and into a cave with a torn ACL (not necessarily recommended, but it's a memory!)
   
   
   
2. Finally getting to see the dancing horses, the cabalgato (the Colima horse festival), and La Petatera, the world's largest handicraft (they put up the bull-riding stands every year, and apparently it counts as a handicraft!).
   
   
   
3. Taking the train to the town of Tequila. This has been on our list for so long, and the whole experience delighted us at every turn
   
   
   
4. Meeting new friends in Guadalajara and going to Rodo Padilla's gallery in Tlaquepaque. For years, all we've seen of Tlaquepaque was the bus station 😂 and we loved experiencing more of this part of Guadalajara.
   
   
   
5. Chill time together. It's a delight to remember yet again how much we enjoy exploring the world together.
   
   
   
   (Also playing video games and sewing little projects with the kids, also basically every meal we ate, also time with people in Colima we love so much… it turns out there are a lot of highlights!)

A Test of Integration

Last week, I shared a little about the doldrums and the dance between listening to our body's messages and changing our situations. This week, we're going to talk about integration. Integration is the art of holding the "good" and the "bad." That is, not sinking into misery forever and ever and denying that there is any good, and also not constantly looking for silver linings and ignoring the very real pain. Healthy adulthood is often a quest for integration: letting both the good and the bad be true, all at the same time. 

In an effort to feel better last week and escape grey, low-snow Utah, I enlisted the help of a delightfully flexible and adventurous friend, and we ran away to the north, where they actually have snow. The snow was cold and fast, and halfway through the day, I got unlucky and fell wrong and... ugh... an opportunity to grow in integration. As a true-blue optimist, I tried to ski it down, and when it was (painfully) clear that was idiocy, I allowed the friendly Jackson Hole ski patrol to assist. 

So now I'm home, nursing a sad knee, waiting for my MRI appointment to figure out next steps, and practicing integration. I am sad and frustrated. I am grateful it wasn't worse and glad that I got injured in a crappy snow year. I am hopeful that the good ol' knee just needs time and rest. I'm reconciled to the fact that if more medical intervention is required, I'll cross that bridge. I'm just practicing feeling it all and letting it all be true (because it is). It's lame, and it's ok.

Sigh and double sigh.