Doldrums

Sigh. It finally hit. The doldrums. No wind in my sails, no snow under my feet. I'm a little bit sad and lonely. Some of this definitely has to do with the weather. We have had a wildly low snow season, and when you organize your life around skiing more, having to work hard to find snow is a bummer. Some of it is the come-down from a very busy December, plus a quiet house since my husband has been traveling for work all month. Some of it is deep sadness over the state of the U.S. Some is a natural response to the hunker-down nature of winter. Combine it all, and I'm a little bit in the doldrums. 

Ok, so I've done the most challenging part for me - recognizing how I feel. Now comes the second hardest part - what's my response? 

Option 1 is to follow my body's cues. I have space and time to be a little slow and lethargic. I know (in my head) that I can trust what my body is telling me. It's ok - nay, it's healthy - to be stationary sometimes, and it's fine to feel a little low. 

Option 2 is to use some grit and some motivation to get myself up and doing things that I know will probably feel good. This requires a little "digging deep" to get the ball rolling. I also want to stay sensitive to how my body and emotions are responding, and if it's just not working, and I would have to really strive to stay moving, it's time to fall back to Option 1.

This is the work of integration. It's listening to my body and emotions, evaluating what I want, and staying sensitive to how I respond as I take my next steps. I've spent a lot of my life simply not listening to these inconvenient emotions - when you have little kids and are working full-time to support your family, it doesn't really matter if you feel a little low, you just have to keep going. I've made it through that chapter of life, and now I get to pause and listen with more gentleness to the voices inside of me. Slowing down runs counter to how I've trained my brain to respond to challenge, and it's a good skill for me to focus on in this season.