A Test of Integration

Last week, I shared a little about the doldrums and the dance between listening to our body's messages and changing our situations. This week, we're going to talk about integration. Integration is the art of holding the "good" and the "bad." That is, not sinking into misery forever and ever and denying that there is any good, and also not constantly looking for silver linings and ignoring the very real pain. Healthy adulthood is often a quest for integration: letting both the good and the bad be true, all at the same time. 

In an effort to feel better last week and escape grey, low-snow Utah, I enlisted the help of a delightfully flexible and adventurous friend, and we ran away to the north, where they actually have snow. The snow was cold and fast, and halfway through the day, I got unlucky and fell wrong and... ugh... an opportunity to grow in integration. As a true-blue optimist, I tried to ski it down, and when it was (painfully) clear that was idiocy, I allowed the friendly Jackson Hole ski patrol to assist. 

So now I'm home, nursing a sad knee, waiting for my MRI appointment to figure out next steps, and practicing integration. I am sad and frustrated. I am grateful it wasn't worse and glad that I got injured in a crappy snow year. I am hopeful that the good ol' knee just needs time and rest. I'm reconciled to the fact that if more medical intervention is required, I'll cross that bridge. I'm just practicing feeling it all and letting it all be true (because it is). It's lame, and it's ok.

Sigh and double sigh.