New Year, New Focus: Inward

 Keep your heart with all vigilance,
  for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

It's a whole new year. I love stepping back at the start of the year and choosing a focus for the brand new year before me. Not a resolution. Not a goal. A word or concept to hold before me as a theme and an aspiration.

As I work through my counseling degree, as I refine my vision of the next chapter of my life, as I gain age and perspective, I recognize that I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to arrange and control my emotions. Some of this is crap from both Christian and western culture about emotions being bad (and intellect being good). Some of this is that I spent a lot of years just trying to hang on and survive, and being in touch with my feelings and wants just didn't make it to the agenda. 

So this year, in a continuation of the "slowing down and simplify" themes that have permeated my new years reflections for many years, I'm focusing on going inward. Attuning to myself. Giving my emotions space to breathe inside my heart. Letting those emotions flow. Nurturing my heart. 

Hello, 2024 - I look forward to all you want to show me.

Year 1 Complete

This weekend I completed the classwork for my first year of graduate school in Clinical Mental Health!

Like most such things, the past year has passed in a blur and also a laborious series of daily choices. I have thoroughly enjoyed my coursework and the delight of stretching and growing in new ways. There are assignments I've had to gut out and some that have written themselves. I've had to prioritize very carefully to maintain a schedule of family, hobbies, work, and school that I can enjoy. I've had to declare "good enough" on some papers that I could have poured into (I am terrible at this). I have grown as a person and as a professional. 

If I could distill these 21 credits, 7 classes, thousands of pages read, hundreds of pages written into the most profound lesson learned it would be this: we need each other. There are many factors that contribute to the efficacy of counseling, but more than counselor experience or advanced certifications or the techniques used the best predictor of whether a client will benefit from counseling is the strength of the therapeutic relationship between the counselor and client. We were made to solve problems, grow, mourn, heal, and celebrate together. 

God created us this way! He created us to do life in relationship. In Western thought it's so easy to believe that the best way is to figure everything out solo and, if you can't cut it on your own, then, fine, call a friend. But, no! That is not how God designed us. Relationships are not God's Plan B - relationships are Plan A!

One of the greatest and most unexpected joys of my counseling program has been my intensive group. We have walked through classes, personal wins and losses, and a million tough assignments together. I thought I was starting grad school all on my own - and I gained a phenomenal set of sisters, friends, and colleagues.

I'm an introverted gal. I don't need or want to be surrounded by people constantly. I need less chatter and noise in my life. Less chatter, and more deep interactions. And as I've learned more about the power of deep and mutual relationships, I've invested more in purposeful check-ins with Steve (nod to the Gottman Institute!), creating a life team of gals for support and encouragement and accountability in growth (thanks, Townsend, for the concept), and being more present in my relationships.

I am grateful that I have survived this intense year. I emerge with excellent knowledge, deeper skills for helping people, more meaningful relationships, and some serious prioritization abilities. Bring on year two! But, first, let me disconnect for two glorious weeks!

25 Years

25 years. Whoa. When we got married, the top TV shows were ER, Friends, and Fraiser. Semisonic's Closing Time ruled the airwaves. There was still commercially viable radio. Only very fancy people had cellphones. Lindsay Lohan starred in The Parent Trap remake. Bill Clinton was president. I had just turned 19. This was a long time ago, people!

25 years. 

Anniversaries are moments to reflect. There is so much I am grateful for over the past 25 years. Here's a quick list:

• 
  Growing up together. We got married young. It wasn't the plan, it wasn't the goal, but it was the path we chose. As a result, we got to grow up together. We entered adulthood together. Our stories have been intertwined for almost as long as either of us can remember. I am grateful for that.
• Shared activities. We love doing so many of the same things. That doesn't always mean that we do them together... but we sure do a lot of skiing and biking and camping together! I love that our hobbies overlap, so that we get to spend time doing things we love with people we love.
• 
  Learning to respect our differences. We are very different people with different personalities, motivations, and priorities. It took a while, and this is still a lesson I'm learning, but we have learned to respect our differences and the person the other is and is becoming. We have very different strengths and weaknesses. That doesn't change our individual responsibilities to grow, but to that individual growth we get to add complementary styles and strengths. We are better together.
• Supporting each other's dreams. I could not have experienced the workplace, personal, and academic success that I've seen without Steve's support. He has believed in me, given me freedom to set my own priorities, and made space for me to pursue my independent goals. Thank you for respecting, valuing, and supporting my ever-evolving, ever-escalating dreams!
• 
  Making sound financial decisions early. We worked so, so hard early in our marriage to make good financial decisions. We saved, lived within our means, invested, and sacrificed (while still having a ton of fun). I do not take for granted the blessings and hard work that set us on a solid financial foundation early on. And I am grateful for the flexibility we experience now and in the future as a result of that foundation.
• A shared commitment to do the work. All relationship is hard work, marriage even more so. Over the years we have learned to do the work and honor our commitment. And we have even grown (sometimes) to enjoy the work of learning from each other and about each other, applying new skills and getting curious about what makes the other tick. I am thankful that year after year we choose to learn to do marriage better.
• 
  Enjoying hanging out together. I am so grateful for a partner I love to hang out with. And not just because he lets me win at cards.

It's been 25 years and I think we're starting to figure this marriage thing out. Give us another 50 years and we'll be pros. We are not the same people we fell in love with. We are deeper and more flawed and richer and more beautiful than we could have imagined as teenagers. I am privileged to be on this journey. Thanks for an exceptional quarter century, Babe.