Burnout Part 3: Depersonalization

 Continuing our conversation about burnout, let's talk about the second indicator: depersonalization. I distinctly remember a few years ago when I read about this burnout symptom, and I thought to myself, "Oh my God, this is me. The people I set out to serve have become a 'them' to me." That was a crystallizing moment for me; I knew I had a problem. 

Depersonalization compounds emotional exhaustion (last week's post) by creating a lack of passion for work and a lack of care for "them." In burnout inventories, we see depersonalization when someone experiences cynicism, insensitivity, or negativity towards those they serve. This happens when the job has become a burden and is challenging to stay engaged in. Depersonalization sucks. 

For me, depersonalization looks like losing passion and enthusiasm. The job has become more of a chore than an engaging way to serve the people around me. And, like emotional exhaustion, I find depersonalization disturbing when I sense it in myself. In the corporate world, I chose my roles and teams based on the ways I wanted to serve, grow, and help others grow. And when I finally burned out to the level of depersonalization, I felt like I was failing at living out my values. 

The solutions to depersonalization, like the solutions to all of burnout, take slow and deliberate healing. Here are a few patterns that can help: 

• At the end of the day, review what you accomplished and make a list of what you need to do tomorrow. Prioritize the items on your list so that you know what is most important. This keeps you focused on your priorities rather than an endless mountain of potential work.
• As you leave work, check in with your body. Are you exhausted? Are you standing erect or bent over? What expression is on your face? How do you want to leave the building? What would it look like to leave that way?
• Before you get home, think about leaving your work behind. Be aware of the transition of "coming home." Be ready to make eye contact and relate to people positively. Try changing into other clothes when you get home to help your body truly transition from work to home.

The last one has been especially helpful to me over the years. I used to feel silly for changing out of perfectly good and comfortable clothes when I got home to put on other perfectly good and comfortable clothes. But it was a comforting ritual that I decided to keep despite the fact that it created more laundry. When I read burnout research, I felt vindicated - changing clothes was a research-indicated pattern to help reduce burnout. Turns out my body knew something valuable that my mind was unwilling to accept!

What about you? What are your simple transitional ceremonies that help you protect against burnout?

Burnout Part 2: Emotional Exhaustion

A few weeks ago, I started writing about burnout. Ok, it was technically just shy of 2 months ago, but life got a little hectic... preventing me from writing about burnout... the irony is not lost on me.

There are three key elements of burnout, and the first is emotional exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion signals the depletion of emotional energy - the emotional demands of the job overwhelm the individual's inner resources. 

Emotional exhaustion is very jarring for me when I experience it. I am a born carer - I care deep and I care hard, even when whatever I'm caring about clearly isn't worth the kind of emotional effort I'm putting into it. When I feel emotional exhaustion, I feel like I'm not myself. I've lost the care that I love to invest in whatever I do, and it's disturbing. It also means that I can't cope well when I hit resistance or speed bumps; my emotional reserves are simply all spent. 

Rebuilding from emotional exhaustion takes time and purposeful re-filling. After all, if you continue to pay out more emotional currency than you're taking in each day, the deficit will continue to grow. To heal and rebuild, you have to end the day with something in the tank. 

What can you do to heal from emotional exhaustion?

• Take real breaks that are actually relaxing
• Before walking into an emotionally taxing situation (or before going to work!), affirm that you're choosing to walk in and why
• When things feel stressful, check in with your body. Do you feel tension in your shoulders, forehead, hands, or back? Take a moment to let go of the tension, relax your breathing, and balance your posture. 

This takes time! Remember, it took months or years for you to get to the point of emotional exhaustion in whatever situation you are in. It is normal and expected that it will take some time to heal as well. 

Week of Me

Last week was my self-proclaimed "Week of Me." I was coming off my final week of classes and felt very stretched, so I decided that the next week would be a "Week of Me." Mostly, it was a way to get me through that hard final week of class - I kept telling myself to hold on because my Week of Me was coming. But, of course, a promise to ourselves is only motivating if we can trust ourselves to keep it, and keep it I did! 

During the preceding week, I made a list of all sorts of things I thought would feel good or exciting or nurturing. Every time I thought of something I wished I was doing instead of slogging through that final paper, I added it to the list. And I'll tell you, it felt so good to add things to a "Week of Me" list rather than just pushing those desires aside because I had to study.

My goal during my Week of Me was to do ten things from my list. I didn't have to do them all (this was about freedom, not burden), and I was ready to hit the week with a list chock full of things that would feel rejuvenating. 

Here's what I learned:

1. Whether or not something qualified for "Week of Me" was totally subjective. There were plenty of things on the list that would look to anybody else like soul-sucking chores. But I thought they would feel sweet to do, so they made the list. Honestly, with many of these things, if I told myself I "had" to do them, they would have felt depleting, but since I told myself I "got" to do them, they felt like kindnesses. This isn't just a brain hack; it really did feel different when I put something on the list and thought about how it would feel good to do it.
2. Knowing that I had a "Week of Me" coming sustained me through my final week of class. It felt motivating and kind that I had healing time coming.
3. It was really important to me that I kept this promise to myself. I take the commitments I make to others very seriously, but sometimes it's easy to let commitments to myself slide. Lately, I've been working to carefully consider and then purposefully follow through with commitments to myself. I'm worth it. If I were going to promise this week to myself, then I was going to take it. 

It was a lovely experiment, and I'm still ticking things off the list because those things still seem like kindnesses to myself. Except for climbing Mt. Timpanogos... I don't know who I think I'm being kind to with that one...